


a saddle for two

by mother_hearted



Series: you count up all my scars (crumble them into stars) [23]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Self-Reflection, tea time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25486333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mother_hearted/pseuds/mother_hearted
Summary: Dimitri poses an unexpected question and Claude answers in his own way.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan
Series: you count up all my scars (crumble them into stars) [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692022
Comments: 8
Kudos: 68





	a saddle for two

“Khalid, if you were to write a letter to yourself, what would you say?”

Claude looks up from his tea, bemused. “A letter? RIght now I’d send myself a memo about which nobles to look out for at the roundtable.” He never had a single migraine while living in Almyra. The source of his misfortune is plain to see but then Dimitri’s mouth tugs down in response to his jovial answer and he roots himself back in the present. “Was I supposed to say something else?“

“No, I did not explain myself. Recently in post Mercedes asked me the same question and I have been thinking about it. It is not meant to be something so practical as a memo.” He snorts. “It’s not practical at all. It’s only pretend, if you could send a message to yourself in the past.”

“Huh.” 

Claude’s reaction is kept purposefully dull. He’s… surprised to hear Dimitri speak of something so easily. Since disclosing their childhoods to each other, in bits and pieces, Dimitri is the one who may share more readily but lingers too long in the memories, prone to going somewhere Claude cannot find on any map. Claude keeps his accounts brisk and simple. Everything that’s ever happened to him, good and bad, will never change. 

...if he glosses over the resurgence of his tears, of the afternoon he ran away from Dimitri in a panic, that’s his business. 

“You written yours yet?” Claude asks before taking a sip of his tea. Across from him Dimitri holds his tea cup delicately between his large hands, content to enjoy its warmth. 

He shakes his head. “No. I’ve given it thought… but I can’t decide who I would write to. When I look back on my past, I was many different boys.” 

Claude strokes the back of Dimitri’s hand with the pads of his fingers. He can understand that. Dimitri’s sense of self has been fractured for too long to be neatly stitched up.

“What about you?” Dimitri asks.

“Me? I’ve always been the same but it doesn’t matter what age past me was.” Claude shrugs, “I’d never believe any of it anyway.” 

“It is merely a game, why confine yourself with such arbitrary logic?”

“Why be so particular about what age you were?” Claude replies back cooly and watches Dimitri huff, picking up his tea to drink (and sulk.)

There’s a few beats of strained silence between them before Dimitri’s shoulders settle back down and his hand covers Claude’s, content to let the random conversation drop. On his end, at least.

In Claude’s mind, no conversation with himself can be left hanging until the final word is spoken. He thinks of the man he is now and the boy he was all his life, who learned to hide, who learned how to disarm an opponent’s dagger within stabbing distance, who learned to map exits and escape routes in every room he stepped in.

He thinks of all his wisdom he could give to that boy and he thinks, 

_You’ll always be a liar and a schemer but it will keep you alive. You’ll always be too small but that too will keep you alive. You will never be like your brothers, and your father will never intervene on your behalf._

_You are both your father and your mother’s child and you will never fit in but you are here in this world and your footsteps still carry weight and take shape._

_You will lose your quiver but at the end of your sleepless night a stranger will return it to you, no strings attached._

_You will make allies and only realize just before you leave they are your friends._

_You are a coward, Khalid._

_But you are brave too._

_You will sleep with a knife under your pillow but it will not be the first thing you reach for._

Claude comes back to himself, finding his tea cup empty and Dimitri offering to pour him more. Both Claude’s hands are free and left aimlessly tapping on the table in front of him, watching Dimitri handle their kettle. 

Impulsively, he wants to please Dimitri as much as prove something to himself.

“When I left Almyra, I left behind my friend. She was covered in the most beautiful silver scales, a real glamorous type.” Dimitri’s smile grows to match Claude’s while he continues speaking. “Nader let me know she’s a proud mother now, with a clutch of four eggs. I’d let him know she’s doing well, as fierce and beautiful as ever, waiting for him to explore the skies together again.”

“I think that would lift his spirits, to hear that.”

“It would get him to stop drawing little scribbles of her in his notes, if anything.”

“I didn’t know you drew?”

“Oh, I _don’t._ ” Claude emphasizes his last word without shame to watch Dimitri chuckle in delight. He places Claude’s tea cup back in front of him with care, handle turned towards him. It takes him too long to notice the dopey smile on his lips but Claude has no desire to hide it.

He takes his next sip of tea and thinks one more private thought.

_You’ll want a saddle for two. It will take time and you’ll drive yourself mad, but you’ll want to share everything you are._

_Take care, Khalid._

_You were made to last but you are more than that._

_You are loved._

**Author's Note:**

> to the birthday boy <3333
> 
> i'm [diarthrosis](https://twitter.com/diarthrosis) if you also enjoy crying about the boys c:


End file.
